Of Secrets and Sacrifices
by darkchakram
Summary: Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling End of Harry's first year at Hogwarts. Severus Snape reflects on Lily's love for Harry.
Another term had ended at Hogwarts. Severus Snape closed the lid of his heavy black trunk. He wasn't looking forward to Cokeworth in summer. In fact, he hadn't looked forward to Cokeworth in summer since 1976. He'd considered spending his vacation abroad but recent developments with the Dark Lord caused him to reconsider. The boy had performed remarkably well against Quirrell and Voldemort but Snape decided it would be best to stay in England should Dumbledore need him. Voldemort would certainly try to find another way to get to the boy. Kill him.

Snape thought back on the year. It had been his toughest year at Hogwarts since his seventh-year as a student, which had been academically fulfilling if emotionally devastating. Memories of LIly and James from that year still haunted him. He could never have guessed that looking into the boy's eyes would have brought back that old pain. Her eyes in the face of his tormentor. Proof of their love.

Albus Dumbledore cleared his throat, not so subtly, announcing his presence.

"Albus."

"The boy is headed safely back to his aunt's house, Severus."

Snape nodded.

"He's full of questions. Reminds me of you at that age."

"Me?" Snape scoffed.

"Yes, curious and takes very little at face value. Keen. Inquisitive."

"I found him rather dull."

"Well, Severus, he's not likely to open up to you since you've closed yourself off from him."

"I've done what I've promised. For her."

"Yes. You've kept your word. Quirrell mentioned your hatred of James to the boy."

Snape's eyes burned with embarrassment.

"He didn't reveal your feelings for Lily only that you and James detested one other. But, Harry will wander at the root of the animosity. And as curious as he his, he's likely to keep picking. He asked another interesting question."

"What?" Snape studied Dumbledore's face. He wasn't sure if his old friend wasn't quite enjoying his discomfort at the possibility that Potter might discover the love that still burned brightly for LIly.

"He wanted the truth about how he, as a mere infant, survived the attack."

"And, what did you tell him?" Fear flitted across Snape's face.

"The truth."

"Albus!"

Dumbledore held up his hand to stop Snape's protest. "I told him he was saved by his mother's love. Which is the truth. But I told him that her love protected him. I didn't reveal the whole truth. That is your story to tell. Safe journey, Severus."

As Dumbledore walked away across the dungeon, Snape's eyes were focused on his blue robes but his vision drifted into the past:

A dark laboratory, a younger Severus Snape hard at work, his long hair half in a ponytail, wisps flying messy around his face. Ingredients scattered all over the place. He worked frantically. He had to hurry. Her life depended on it. The last ingredient. It had been so hard to come by. He'd done murder to get it but it was the only way. She had to live. He couldn't live in a world void of Lily. He dropped the vampire gallbladder into the small cauldron and stirred. The potion turned cerulean blue and quit smoking. He poured it into a small vial and stoppered it. He had to find a way to get it to her.

The vision shifted:

Dumbledore had arranged a meeting. Lily looked reluctant as she sat across the table from him.

"Snape," she said coldly. "A message from your Lord?"

"Lily. No. He intends to kill you. I won't let that happen."

"I doubt you can stop him, Snape. You and your Death Eaters have made him powerful beyond belief."

Snape looked down at the table because the truth of her words cut him. She was right. And now, the Dark Lord wanted to destroy the only thing that had ever brought him an ounce of happiness.

"You're right," he whispered.

"Have you come to your senses, finally?" Lily leaned forward.

"Lily, I - - -I should've listened to you."

"Severus, It's okay. You're here now."

She was calling him by his given name again, He felt that was a marked improvement. And she seemed as if she was willing to forgive him. He nearly jumped when she reached across the table and took his hand.

"Lily," he choked. The touch of her hand was his undoing. He had so many things he wanted to say. Needed to say. But he knew they didn't have time. There would be time later. After she was safe. "You need to get back, back to safely." He pulled out the vial of blue liquid. "This is why I asked Dumbledore to find you."

"What is that, Severus?"

"Immortality potion. I made it for you. I need to know you're safe."

"Is there enough for James and Harry?"

"You don't understand Lily, the ingredients. It calls for a particular item that's hard to come by. I could only get my hands on one. Take it. For me."

Lily nodded. She took the vial and placed it in her jacket pocket.

"Thank you, Severus. Thank you." She reached across the table and kissed Severus on the cheek.

It was the last time he would touch her living body. He couldn't resist stroking her soft white cheek and stealing a smell of her sweet shampoo, champagne and strawberries.

Snape shook his head leaving the past in the past as he looked across the empty dungeon. He'd been a young foolish boy in love. It had never occurred to him that she would take the potion and give it to the boy. He'd made the greatest mistake in the world, underestimating a mother whose child was threatened. She'd given the potion to Harry. That's what had protected him from the Avada Kedavra spell. The killing curse had been so strong it nearly ripped through the protection of the immortality potion, leaving Harry scarred and mortal but living and breathing.

As he thought about what the Headmaster had told the boy, Snape supposed Dumbledore had given Harry the truth in its essence. It was her love for Harry that had prompted her to give him the potion rather than keeping it for herself. Maybe he'd tell the boy the whole story one day. Maybe. But, he doubted it.


End file.
